Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
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She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
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The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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