i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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