I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
