I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Randomize
