Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
