if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
