She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
