just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
