I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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