Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
