I can text with my tongue
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
