Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize