Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
