dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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