Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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