You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
