He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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