Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
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this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
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You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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