Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
