Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
