we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
