We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
