There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
