well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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