Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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