It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize