ya dads aren't the best wingmen
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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