My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
