Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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