moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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