Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
