She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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