Can i not drive my cunt home
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
