Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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