Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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