It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
