So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
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So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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