The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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