i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it's great music for shaving your balls
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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