ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
