Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
