party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Randomize
