I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
