At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
