I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So squirting runs in the family.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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