New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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