JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
