I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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