I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
