What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
