we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You ruined the universe
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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