I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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