That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have demons in me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
