you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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