i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I think I am morally bankrupt
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
