I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just had sex bonerless
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
