weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
