yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
