No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
