I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
