I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
