it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
